No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Randomize
