Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
