She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
