You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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