I wanna bring you to show and tell
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
