he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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