I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
