its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
