my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
