saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
