so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All the doctor said was why
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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