I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
