You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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