babies were throwing up all over the place
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
