I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
