I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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