please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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