You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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