Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.

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(562): View more from California

guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

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(925): View more from California

You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

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(801): View more from Utah

This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful

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