No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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