ugly people sure do ruin things
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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