Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
