You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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