Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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