it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
