you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
