My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
