if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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