awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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