I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
