I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
