Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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