is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
