Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
