Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
