Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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