You made me cry and you don't even care
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
