You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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