Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
