I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
