Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
