No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
