It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
