The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
