I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
