At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
