after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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