i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
