I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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