I want to make a zoo with you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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